Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The Following Took Place Between-- Oh Eff it, I can't Do This Again...

Ok-- so I watched. I watched the first two hours in real time and the second two hours is "I'm only wasting 90 minutes by fast forwarding through the commercials" time. I liked the second two hours better, and not just for the speed.

You can't save two hours of boredom by having Jack go all Lost Boys on a terrorist. You can't. It was awesome, it was sweet, yes I did that insane giggle laugh that accompanies gruesome excessive violence. BUT I also sat bored for 115 minutes waiting for the season to grab me.

Notes from the first two hours:

-My friend Jesse stated and I agree: You might be the former President's brother, but no President, black or not, can rock the all bald and the goatee. Sorry folks. It ain't happenin. "Between stopping terrorists and running the country, I get down with the flavor saver." Get out.

-Dude from Numb3rs is the new Mike Skeaze. Lovely. He's just as annoying but with less historical importance. At least with Mike I could say, "Man, there goes Mike the Skeaze...I just can't help but like him" because I felt as though we had a relationship. Now I get some dude with acne who is inexplicably the same character and also still employed in the administration.

-This has been happening to me a lot. Particularly with Karen Hayes. "Where have I seen her before?" My girlfriend, "Last season of 24." Me. "Oh yeah, that's right!" Just like Fox, I seem to have forgotten that last season exists. Wasn't there something vaguely important about Kim or Aubdrey, or someone else? Didn't Jack leave at a somewhat crucial relationship point? And didn't Wayne Palmer do some pretty ill shit that ought to have kept him from getting elected. The man is black, has a goatee, has done illegal things, was David Palmer's brother (who remember was portrayed poorly to the public) and has no political background. Shouldn't the combination of those things kept him off the ticket or at least out of office? Did they honestly run Droopy Dog against him???

-Couldn't they just forget the entire CTU plot? It's called 24 not CTU. Jack could just act on his own accord and we could forget the inane CTU political bullshit. I don't like ANYONE that is there anymore. Milo? Chloe? The Canon? Nope. And holy lord, did they recast Chloe's smarmy british boyfriend? He's useless too. Drop the whole bit, just let Jack be Jack...which you could have done in:


Part Two Notes:

-I liked the next 2 hours better although I still vehemently deny that it was part of the "season premier." The season premier's when it premier's. Not one night later. Anyway, I didn't care at all when they shot Curtis because the writers failed to do anything with him the entire time he existed. Maybe he can land a commercial gig and live on like the Force Entities in Star Wars of Obi Wan Canobi et al.

-The nuke going off was pretty cool, but not that cool. The problem is that the scariest weapon around right now is the nuke (diseases aside). So every season, like in the cold war, we hear "nukes, nukes, nukes." This time one went off. Fair enough, it's just tough to really care where they're going with it since ONE has already gone off.

-I love Assad. He's the only wild card left.

-Jack needs to go on tilt for like six episodes, just rampaging everyone. In other words, he needs to shed CTU and just kickass.

-I guess I understand why Curtis and Mike The Skeaze were both in World Trade Center-- they weren't in 24 anymore.

-I appreciated Kumar. Show up, show casting agents that you can be a bad guy and in an action setting, then get yourself aced by "No Name CTU Blur" as you're lookin' at Jack. Well done. On the plus side, Scott, AKA Sky High AKA Matt Heff's brother AKA Lord of Dogtown is the man and I'm glad he was around for a bit. Wish he could step it up a notch and somehow stick around though. He will be missed.

-Where's Aaron? He's A1 Sauce baby.

-There might be more, but it ain't happening right now. I might watch next week.

Boop Beep. Boop Beep?



Blogger kevinscott said...

itunes mentioned something about droopy & the mom from garden state coming back and making some "sweet old people lovin" this season. well, without the reference to the sex, i made that part up.

karen hayes was also in syriana, in a surprisingly similar, who am i kidding, identical roll to the one she plays in twenty-four.

my neighbor's tv is loud.

wasn't milo in season one ? right before he made a brief departure to be the boyfriend of the girl who almost beat up kim in prison, also from season one, on the oc.

do you think they'll buy jack some gloves so we dont have to look at his grandpa hands all season ?? one can only hope.

7:34 PM  
Blogger WitzPickz said...

THAT'S WHAT SHE'S FROM!!! I saw Garden State on IFC the other day and was like, "what the hell is that Mom from?? Milo is wild and elusive, just like the command structure at CTU and my caring a rat's ass about them. Jack's gonna buy some hip "Nuclear Winter" mittens from Hot Topic, though I think he should just make up different stories about what happened to his hands everytime someone sees them. "I wasn't aware that fondu required utensils." or "Needless to say, that volcano won't be talkin' any trash to no one anymore."

9:01 AM  
Blogger JKow said...

In reverse order:

-Does this mean that Volcanoes now wear Jack Bauer pajamas to bed?

-Milo IS wild and elusive. This explains why he’s been to Hawaii, SoCal, and Texas since we last saw him. I only wish the writers were smart enough to somehow include this in the show. Maybe let Morris “I’m here because?” O’Brien use this in his tete-a-tete with Milo… and Otis.

-“Grandpa hands”? That’s the best reference we could come up with for Jack’s hands? Darkman? Jack Nicholson’s Joker?

-Since you asked: Aaron is in Qatar… getting his ass kicked by an EMP’ing Deceptacon.

-24 completely dropped the ball with China. It took all of 90 minutes before we’re back to the same old shit where Jack + Chloe = foiled plots + dead terrorists

10:28 AM  
Blogger WitzPickz said...

DAMMIT! The first Milo and Otis joke came out! I was holding onto it for a good time. You win, sir.

How come Aaron doesn't have a spinoff show. He'd be the sidekick in that too, but it'd be awesome. Call it like "The Guard" or "Guard's Crossing" or like, "To Serve and Protect" It'd sell.

3:37 PM  

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