Saturday, January 21, 2006

Top Jack Bauer Facts (In the tradition of Chuck Norris and Mr. T)

Top 10 Jack Bauer Facts:

1.) While most children were playing Cops and Robbers, Jack Bauer was playing Jack Bauer and Robbers. Those men are still in jail today.

2.) When Jack Bauer graduated from college, his parents told him he needed to get a job. After four months working at the local Sonic, Jack got fed up, quit, and created terrorism. He has had steady work at CTU ever since.

3.) Jack Bauer doesn’t dodge bullets. Bullets dodge Jack Bauer.

4.) Jack Bauer’s parents were an Austrian boxing legend named Otmar and a black Hummer H2.

5.) When Jack Bauer uses the phrase, “We’re running out of time,” he really means that when time is up, he will be forced to use his time machine to reload the level and play again.

6.) Jack Bauer avoided The Grim Reaper twice in his life; once by wearing Blue Blockers, and again by telling him his name was Frank Flynn.

7.) Jack Bauer has no problem using the oversized xbox controllers…but is still terrible at Madden 2005.

8.) Jack Bauer invented hammer pants by accident, but created Vanilla Ice on purpose.

9.) Jack Bauer can animate himself.

10.) Haley’s comet only passes by the earth once every 75 years because of a misunderstanding with Jack Bauer millions of years ago.

11.) Jack Bauer can dance the tango, the waltz, the samba, and on the graves of those he’s conquered.

12.) Jack Bauer knows that the end of Superman 2, when Superman flies around the earth to turn back time, is bullshit…because he’s done it. Twice.

13.) Jack Bauer is both circumcised and un-circumcised.

14.) Jack Bauer invented the internet, snapping, and dual hand-guns.

15.) Even Jack Bauer hates Kim.

Keep It Jack,


Anonymous aisha said...

hahahahahahahahahahahha. freakin funny.

thats it. thats all i have to say. very original.

9:03 PM  
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7:39 AM  

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