Saturday, January 21, 2006

Things you didn't know you could do while holding a pistol really tightly and looking really conspicuous in your Blue Blockers

1. Disappear behind a car for 5 seconds and reemerge in a completely different set of clothing, without caring about where you left your old clothes.
2. Become invisible to scores of FBI agents.
3. Teach a borderline autistic woman how to read, write, and effortlessly hack into wireless broadcast hubs from underground garages.
4. Pull off Blue Blockers and not have everyone start singing that annoying rhyme the black guy did on the commercial.
5. Successfully navigate a Mac even though you were clearly raised on a PC.
6. Read Japanese.
7. Hijack a car without resorting to the old "screwdriver in the ignition" or "filed down Honda keys work for everything" tricks.
8. Hit play on your CD changer by discharging the clip of your pistol, but the RELOAD said pistol using the natural transfer of kinetic energy from the changer back to the clip.
9. Make everyone think you still know Elisha Cuthbert.
10. Have the homemade video of when you left your keys in the house and needed to get inside so you broke in aired on national TV, just to prove that THERE WAS NOT A SPARE KEY UNDER THE FLOWER POT. That only happens if you're bush league.


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