Tuesday, March 14, 2006

RIP: Jose's dedication to the show

My wrath, my fury, they know no bounds.

Last night was the final straw. In the first show, they assasinated President Palmer, who could singlehandedly carry an entire episode by himself. He dealt with a coup d'etat, assasination attempts, terrorists, etc. I don't need to write the man's resume, the name Palmer speaks for itself. So what do they do in the first 10 minutes of the show? They kill him. Oh, Flipping sweet. What next, they're gonna kill Tony?

Well, my friends, that's exactly what they did last night. Some A-hole stuck a needle in Tony's heart and killed him. Did you see Jack Bauer's face? Jack Bauer was more upset when Tony died than when Terry, his wife died. That was a look of pain. And Kiefer didn't have to act. That was the "I can't believe they're killing off every single character who is somewhere redeeming in this show and now we're going down" look. That was the "This show is the only reason my career didn't take a dive like Vlade Divac and now I'm screwed and I'm gonna have to make movies like Taking Lives or more voice overs for The Land Before Time X". You thought I was kidding. Kiefer did one of the voices in Land Before Time 10. Look it up.

Guys, I don't even know what to do. I need someone to talk me off the ledge here. How is it possible that both Palmer and Tony are killed off and CHLOE STILL LIVES?!?!!!?

Through the years, 24 has lacked that real bombshell woman, with the exception of Kim. Except Kim was in highscool during the first show, so frankly, that was wrong. Even to me. So they bring her back this season, right? Except 1) She's an even worse person than she was before 2) She's being banged by a 45-year old porns star posing as a clinical Pyschologist and 3) Her long hair makes her look terrible. SWING AND A MISS!!

Before Kim came, there was Carrie, who was legit bangin'. Her role in the show? She got stabbed in the back 2 hours after her introduction. I'm furious about this. Absolutely furious. And it was Edgah's fault. This has been covered. I'll move on.

One thing I'm thrilled about: Rudy is dead. And his death was actually quite satisying (it does raise some questions, which I'll pose in a second). I loved the image of Rudy convulsing to the floor right before he foamed at the mouth and crumpled to a ball on the floor. It was great. Frankly, that could easily represent Sean Astin's career at this point. Who on earth would hire him? He has quickly become one of the most annoying actors in the business. His role in the Lord of the Rings was... flamboyant. In "50 first dates", I almost punched the screen every time he came on. And now, he was easily one of the least likable characters in 24 history. And you wanna know what?

Tony died because Rudy is a fruit.

Rudy A) Got his ass kicked by some random druggy. Shouldn't this dude have some training? B) He was too stupid / proud to do the right thing and tell CTU that his key-card was stolen

This all led to Tony's death. And that poor security guard who had to say goodbye to his daughter. That was tragic. Why did it happen? Cuz Rudy SUCKS.

When Edgah died, I felt bad. Edgah was just a sexually frustrated computer hacker who couldn't get any. Sure, that lisp was annoying, but that's the worst he had going for him.

Even when some of the bad guys die, I'm upset because I lose entertainment.

When Rudy Died, i was jumping up and down. Ask my neighboors.

One thing about Edgah and his death. Did you see the way Rudy and the guard died? They started shaking violently and then foamed at the mouth, then went into the fetal position and died in a pool of their own saliva, blood and piss. Edgah clutched his heart and fell to a heap, and that was that. My friends, Edgah didn't die from teh Centox gas. He died of a frikking heart attack. This cannot be debated.

I wish I had something funny to add to this blog, but frankly, it's not happening. I haven't cracked a smile the whole time I've been writing this. Not one. Not even a chuckle. If you have laughed at any point leading to this, you're a bad person. You've laughed at my misery and you would do it again. Screw you. You know who you are.

So I just have one question: where does 24 go from here? Is it all Jack Bauer? As mighty as Jack Bauer is, could you go a whole show just following Jack bauer and Chloe? Tony and Palmer had been with us since episode one. We had seen them at their best, we had seen them at their worst, we had seen them kick ass and take names. We had seen them as people. Now, halfway through the second to last season, they're both dead, and we have about 36 more hours.

ANyways, I'm rambling right now because of my fury, sadness, anger, and disappointment. It's good to see Cooper on here though. Coop a loop! We need to have a rematch.

Anyways, I'm out. I'm furious. hopefully my next blog features the resurrection of Tony or Palmer or even Nina. I would take Nina right now. She was a bad guy but she was a GREAT bad guy. I feel like we don't have that right now. We don't have a good bad guy. we don't have a good good guy other than Jack. I just feel like they're lost. I dunno...

Peace playas

-Big Ho


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