Wednesday, February 22, 2006

"BLASPHEMY!" or "Are You There, 24? It's Me, James."

I was so mad when Nathanson turned out to be awesome and then subsequently destroyed that I almost vowed to switch from 24 to House. I think Dr. House and Jack Bauer may be related somehow, anyway. They both seem to have godlike omniscience and clutchness.

And yes, I did just use "omniscience" (a ninth-grade vocabulary word) in the same sentance as "clutchness."

Regardless, I would like to see Bauer and House together at a cocktail party, shitting on the detective from "Numbers."

Ok, so I didn't turn my back on 24, but goddammit, they are stringing me along by a hair. Why couldn't Jack propose that Curtis go rogue with him? Why couldn't Nathanson have survived all those gunshots like Fitty, and put out a patriotic rap single? Why can't Edgah whip out dual shotguns and declare war on Chechnya? If we have to lose our heavy action hitters besides Jack, and rely on plot twists and conspiracies more than bullets, they have to be more creative with it. I think most of us could have filled in the blanks of that episode on our own. "Jack has a hot lead on the terrorists, but CTU has ordered Jack into custody. Jack ___________ sleeper hold, and __________ microchip." We didn't even get to see a highly anticipated helicopter crash. And who the fuck cares if the president of Russia gets sniped? Who the fuck cares about these canisters of gas? The terrorists havn't even threatened anything concrete yet. I would feel completely comfortable living in the "24" version of L.A. right now. Shit, I feel more threatened driving home from work on Wilshire every day.

I am a drunk who fell off the wagon and turned his back on God. I know I will come around next week, but for the moment I lie soaked in the gutter screaming to the heavans, "Why have you forsaken me?"

(Just the show, though, not Jack Bauer.... he's still incredible.)

(Just in case he's listening...)

(I'm sleeping under my bed tonight...)


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